I was talking to my sister in the good ole USA this week (we exchange voice messages because no time to think let alone have a proper grown-up conversation!).

We discussed the need to change something when it’s no longer working, and it got me to wondering how long I have spent flogging the dead horse that is things I thought I should be doing instead of things that actually work in real life.

For example, do you find that you plan out what you’re going to eat for the week on one of those beautiful whiteboard things that Facebook is continuously trying to flog to me (the algorithm must sense I need improved organisational skills)? But you find you are not actually eating anything resembling the plan?

Have you to started to add to an app what your daily intake was and remembered that, when you were 25 and did this, you lost three stone? It’s bound to work again. right? Or the fact that you ran a marathon at 30 so, the best way to get fit and feel great is to start running again. Of course, I am not against you feeling great and getting fit. God knows we could all do with more of the feeling great part in this barren start to a new year but …

• You are not 25
• You are mid 40’s
• You’ve been pregnant
• You have a more demanding job
• You have little people that demand things from you all day and night
• You have a relationship that requires some level of effort to survive
• You have knees that creak
• You have hormones that are all over the shop
• And, last but definitely not least, we are living through a pandemic.

Pick all or a few of above and combine them to find the truth. Which is, what worked then is very unlikely to work now. How long has it taken me to realise this in my own life?

Bloody ages.

I kid you not.

I got a third bundle of joy in my life last year, put on weight, AND tried to run my business, all whilst continuing to attempt the same level of intense cardio workouts I’d been doing for years.

This did not have the desired effect and here’s how you can tell when something is no longer doing you any good:

Number One – It leaves you feeling depleted instead of fulfilled. I spoke to a client last week who is on an intensive fasting diet (don’t get me started), who also explained that she had, uncharacteristically, lost her temper with a friend. If I hadn’t eaten for 16 hours straight either, you’d find me up for murder! The impact of the actions we are taking to improve our wellbeing is, in fact, achieving the opposite and leaving us feeling low, out of control, and demotivated.

This is an activity worth jacking in (that’s my professional opinion).

Number Two in the top tips for sniffing out things that are no longer working for you is:

• I really don’t want to do it
• But I used to love running
• I know I should love running
• So, I get my trainers on and …
• I friggin’ hate running!

May I humbly suggest you find another activity that achieves a good outcome for you and do that instead?

Do you want to feel free? Try walking up a hill and screaming (I’ve heard it really helps).

Do you want to feel calm? Try mindfulness.

Do you want to feel stronger? Try yoga.

Do you want to think? Go for a walk.

You get my point. Think about the end goal and work backwards.

Number Three – Listen to your body as it currently is:

We are all a bit rubbish at paying attention to what we need. As women, we are socialised to pay more attention to the needs of others than ourselves.

This has worked in the past, to some extent, in terms of survival, but we hope that these days you get to check in with yourself and decide what YOU really need now. Not what the pre-pregnancy/relationship/career you needed, but the right now you.

Ways to do that:

• Body scan meditation is brilliant for this.
• Asking someone you know loves you deeply to tell you when you seem most fulfilled.
• Journal about it for a few days

Or, try my Introduction to Wellness course to work out what you actually need and want to focus on for your wellbeing.

Introduction to Wellness Course